Oofta…

I don’t know where we picked up this word, but Oofta is a word that David and I use often when expressing surprise and amazement and not in a necessarily good way…As in, “Oofta, what a mess” or “Oofta, what happened here?”

Here’s what Wikipedia/Wiktionary says:

oofta

Scandinavian-American slang.

1. (US, chiefly upper midwest) A mild expression of error, dismay, or concern (often in a comical sense).

Synonyms

• good grief
• oh no
• oi
• oy vey
• uh oh

Right now, it’s Oofta, what a week.

Last night I did a first ever  – I pulled an all-nighter for work; not for college exams or staying out with friends as in my more youthful days but for work.  And it wasn’t  just an all-nighter, but a 21 hour bender.  Yes, I worked from 9:30 in the morning on Sunday and continued working straight through to 6:30 this morning.  Not exactly what I had in mind when I embarked on the journey toward a simpler life.

As has been the new norm of late, I’ve been getting a lot of orders on the weekends and since David has been helping out at work covering double shifts on Sundays, I’ve been utilizing Sundays as my catch up day.  But this week in addition to my regular orders, I had two large custom orders to work on and really underestimated how long they would take to complete.

And my problem is that I tend to overpromise on how quick I can complete a project, but I also never undeliver.  I always make my timeline, the people-pleaser in me, even at my own detriment.  I even went to sleep after being up all night, only to get up 3 hours later to finish my orders.

I think I need an intervention.

Problem is, I’m working on things that probably aren’t the best use of my time, that don’t yield a great deal of profit or satisfaction, so I’m using this “weekend” (Tues/Wed. are our weekends) to go back to the drawing board to fine tune my business plan even further.  And though I typically continue to put together/pack up orders during our “weekends” (since people expect shops to be operational during business days), I’ve decided to close up shop(s) until Friday so that I can rest, renew and make sure I get back on the right track.

Money is a powerful lure, as is the desire to get sales (and pay off my business credit card), but not at the cost of work/life balance (which is that much more challenging when you work from home).  I left the corporate world so that I could spend more time at home (which I do) and with David and the dogs (which I do) but lately I’ve lost my original goal…of less work and more simple pleasures.

So for the next couple of days, I plan on sleeping, reading, snuggling… maybe even browsing my favorite antique mall (must leave said business CC at home so I don’t keep falling into the pattern of work/spend then working more to pay off the spending).  And avoiding the addictive urge to check email every 5 minutes.

And perhaps at the end of the week, I can exchange my oofta for an ahh….

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Re-evaluating

Right now I am relishing this exact moment.  I feel so joyful about it that I needed to express it on this “online journal” of mine. 

It is a sunny though windy fall day and because we have our kitchen window cracked just a bit, I can hear the moaning of the wind as it tries to press into our house.  I also hear the deep breathing of  my sleeping dogs, the hiss of our propane oven working and the chirp of a bird nearby.  I am enjoying having no TV or music on and just picking up the audible nuances in my environment that I take for granted.

I made another batch of chicken pot pie again to bring to my friend’s house tonight, so it just smells like comfort food in here.  And because of the beaming sun and the working oven, it’s nice and toasty inside as well, a warmth that is not usually present in our cool house.  Ah, these are the times I appreciate passive heating!

I have some of my coziest PJs on, my super fuzzy socks and a hot coffee nearby.  This is the type of moment where I am filled with sheer gratitude.  Everything  just feels so optimal at this exact moment that I want to be able to freeze it for a while.  I realize that it’s a feeling of being at peace.

And yes, technically this is a “work” day, but I’m starting to wonder if I’m pushing myself too much, too hard.  I wanted to leave the corporate world to enjoy a simple, quiet life.  And sure, I wanted to start a small business and that takes a lot of time and energy, but do I really need to be running 4 shops simultaneously at top speed and do gigs on the side?  Some days its yes – I like feeling busy, I like the validation when someone purchases my creations, I like knowing that soon, I’ll be contributing to our nest egg.  But I’m also realizing that I’m my own worst critic, I truly am my own toughest boss and my expectations of myself are through the roof.

And so I’m being reckless today.  I’m playing hooky.  I’m enjoying my favorite season and engaging my senses – something I’ve forgotten to do in the past couple of months.  And so what if my supplies shop is all unbalanced and my photo shop only has a dozen photos and needs about 100 more?  And so what if my goodies shop may have nothing new and my art shop may be missing my new pieces?  All things I think I should be keeping up on if I want to “run a successful, polished business.”  But in the end, it’s okay.  In due time, I’m trying to remind myself.  This is not a contest, there is no deadline and the world certainly won’t end because I didn’t tend to these things all at once.  Let go…

David is incredibly supportive, but I see the not-so-covert glances he’s been giving me lately.  The “do you really need to check your email every hour” eyebrow or the “is it that essential that you package up that order right away?” look is unofficially telling me that I am going overboard and need to strike a balance.  Work-life balance.  Once again.  This theme runs through my life no matter what I do.  The ambition goes into overdrive and then I eventually find myself needing to re-evaluate and redefine my original goals for a simpler existence.

So I am going to read some, relax some and feel no guilt.  Essentially, I am going to let go.

I made this piece a couple days ago from a vision I had, but wasn’t really clear on why that particular message was coming through.  Now I understand.

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